sunday 13th September

Spent the afternoon with guiding friends, good food, good company, good conversation. We have been meeting as a trainers support group with some changes for a number of years now, so we have a comfortable relationship which may be about to change.

We had comfort food last night and shared the cooking – just pork steaks,  mashed carrot and swede and fried potatoes – perfect end to a’ perfeck’ day.

Spoke to Judy about the trials and tribulations of our lives. I feel lucky in my friends and family.

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thinking

I have been avoiding blogging was never very good at keeping a diary, but I have decided that I don’t want this to become a cancer blog, because quite frankly I don’t want to be reminded of the awfulness of it all. It sucks, it’s not a nice place to be and life is so much more than this episode. So chemo has been the pits, really debilitating but the alternative is far worse. So I might mention it but I will not allow it to dominate and shape all I do or don’t do.

Have just had a lovely time staying with my sister, I bought her and my brother in law a book to celebrate their silver wedding – Moroccan cooking. They had a splendid trip to celebrate it, following on from the wonderful time my sister and I had last year. So last night we did the sisters cooking together and made a lovely fish tagine, delicately spiced and glowing with colours of tomatoes and green peppers – fabulous.

I love reading but find more serious books difficult at present, so immersed myself in reading Second Honeymoon by Joanna Trollope – pure escapism – lovely.

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What and where and why

I have been away from here to a place I did not expect to go, a place that has taken my energy, my thoughts and challenged me and still I have a long journey ahead  probably filled with tears, laughter, tears, joy, more tears both happy and sad, gratitude, love and most importantly hope.
I had a routine mamogram at the beginning of April, the date should be significant but unless I look it up I can’t remember. The significant detail was being told I had breast cancer – bugger, but rather me than my sister.
Hell, I had to tell my brother and sister, that was hard as it is only three years since our darling Mummy secumbed to the same dreadful disease. Oh, yes I know it is different – hers was elderly onset and very aggressive, I am ‘young’  fit and it was early detection all the signs for a good outcome – but it still sucks.
I am not angry, I don’t think why me, I do not feel sorry for myself, this is something to be faced head on, and dealt with. I have great belief that I will live until I am 92 and that I am going to be fine, after all my glass is always half full. But that does not stop me from being scared along the way.

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Take time

Take time …to notice the dewy web clinging cautiously to the morning grass.
Take time …to feel the fire’s warm glow, and hear the crackling wood as it sparks randomly upwards.
Take time …to smell the sweet aroma of cookies wafting from the bustling kitchen.
Take time …to appreciate the laughter of children enjoying the first days of Spring.
Take time …to listen of the rushing stream as it glides swiftly under fallen limbs and over mossy pebbles.
Take time …to admire the diligence of the chattering squirrels seeking stores for their winter nests.
Take time …to wonder at the intricate crystal patterns frosting early morning windows.
Take time …to notice arid, shriveled leaves crunching with each step, along the tree-lined path.
Take time …to watch Autumn’s crispness paint changes from branch to branch, decorating the landscape for a short time.
Take time …to feel the cool breeze blowing in the promise of a summer rain.
Take time …to hear the clicking crickets echoing in the blackness.
Take time …to count the stars as they emerge from the graying sky, one by one filling the dark.
Take time …to hear the lapping waves pound against the grainy surface, then recede in answer.
Take time …to enjoy the fragrant scents of blooming newness and life, sprouting an array of colors where brown slept many long months.
Take time …to follow a firefly as it winks across open-air chasing the evening silence.
Take time …to share a smile.
Take time …to give a hug.
Take time …to acknowledge a kindness.
Take time …to tell someone you care.
Take time …to say, I love you

by
Barbara S Gosa

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makes me think

“The way we live our days, is the way we live our lives.” – Annie Dillard

What does this really mean? Do we delude ourselves by the different days and how we live them or in essence are they fundamentally the same?

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trees

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmIFXIXQQ_E

 

I just love this.

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2nd Jan 2009

There isn’t time, there isn’t time
To do the things I want to do,
With all the mountain-tops to climb,
And all the woods to wander through,
And all the seas to sail upon,
And everywhere there is to go,
And all the people, every one
Who lives upon the earth , to know.
To know a few, and do a few,
And then sit down and make a rhyme
About the rest I want to do.

Eleanor Fargeon

I have been to 26 countries which is apparently 13% of the countries of the world – so many places to go to so little time this poem sums it up for me.

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