I am not sure what has brought me back but maybe it is the feeling that I am at a point of new beginnings, not that anything is planned but perhaps after the last two years or so the time has come to make some changes. Breast cancer is not behind me but will always be with me, yes the treatment ended back in May except for taking the tablets for the next 4.5 years but the feelings and thoughts of it although less painful and the memories of how it was are less acute it is now a fact of my life and as such needs acknowledgement by me, it does not define me but it is part of who I am. It does not stop me from doing things, trying out new things and working out where I want to go. I want a more stress free life and to get that some things will need to change and some of that is me and my attitudes, I also need to decide what are the non negotiables and what is the rest. This is the starting place – its my life and where do I want it to and let me find the courage to get there or change my route. I don’t expect future entries to be soul searching in the main but a statement of my everyday living and the things (experiences, people place) that help to make me tick.
Tag Archives: breast cancer
had my last chemo today, what a relief to have it over before 2010. It has been a rough ride, more treatment to come but hopefully less demanding. Feel ok before the side effects kick in.
I have been away from here to a place I did not expect to go, a place that has taken my energy, my thoughts and challenged me and still I have a long journey ahead probably filled with tears, laughter, tears, joy, more tears both happy and sad, gratitude, love and most importantly hope.
I had a routine mamogram at the beginning of April, the date should be significant but unless I look it up I can’t remember. The significant detail was being told I had breast cancer – bugger, but rather me than my sister.
Hell, I had to tell my brother and sister, that was hard as it is only three years since our darling Mummy secumbed to the same dreadful disease. Oh, yes I know it is different – hers was elderly onset and very aggressive, I am ‘young’ fit and it was early detection all the signs for a good outcome – but it still sucks.
I am not angry, I don’t think why me, I do not feel sorry for myself, this is something to be faced head on, and dealt with. I have great belief that I will live until I am 92 and that I am going to be fine, after all my glass is always half full. But that does not stop me from being scared along the way.